Shattered silence.

Enigmatic.

Struggling.

Teach me to do what I know.

Teach me to want what it is I need.

Listen. For He speaks.

In the silence, in the waves, in the trees, in spoken word.

Now what I struggle with is for the willingness to obey.

*dancing in the starlight*

Thank you, my brother, my sister.

My dear and precious friends, who tirelessly guide me when I wander and direct me when I stray. Those who gently rebuke me when I am wrong and those who firmly teach me when I am at a loss. Those who shower me with kind encouraging words and those who catch me when I fall. And those who allow me to fall, so that I might learn and land in a place that was better than where it was that I started. For those who pray on behalf of my petitions, even when I, myself, am unable to verbalize what it is that I need or should want. For those who will speak the words that I do not want to hear but should listen, for they are words that already lie in my heart that I cannot deny. For simply asking how I am, baking me cookies, walking me back, jamming with me, chatting with me, driving me around, for simply caring for me.

None of this I deserve, yet you lavish upon me.

And so, I still learn of grace.

Grace.

So a good friends tells me I'm in denial and I wallow in self-pity. Well in words more gentle than that.

*SiGH*

The hardest thing to do is to change the way you think, especially when life has conditioned, toyed, and hardened your psyche.

There are still some things I need to learn to do. Granted, maybe I am too hard on myself, or maybe I'm not. I'm candid, but what does it accomplish?

Quviering with a desperation to satiate the burning desires of my heart.

As I am dry, Lord, set fire to me. And let what displeases You burn away to cinders. Purify the desires of my heart. I am reaching out to You, struggling and falling. In my heart I know what You tell me is right. You are always pointing me in the right direction, and You always speak to me about what it is that I should do. Yet I struggle with this knowledge that I cannot deny. Knowing what it is that You want, I pray that I will want what You want for me.

Teach me surrender and trust and an abomination of my pride.

Bless unto me a humble, contrite, and teachable spirit. A soft heart, easy for Your hands to mold.

I pray the prayer for brokenness. A bold prayer to pray, a prayer easily and always answered.

My perception needs to be shattered. Refocus it to see what it is You want me to see.
Take the focus from within myself to those around me. The world that aches for you, the people that I love who hurt and search. Give me a boldness to catch those who fall, reach out to those who call for help. Place in my heart a tenderness for those who are lost.

This hardened and calloused heart, Lord. Still work within it.

I need to flee into the resounding silence before I am consumed by the things of this world.

Self-absorbed, selfish... A shadow of my former self. But then again, what is that self? Constantly flickering...

To stand on the edge and take that leap of faith.

To sink deeper.

Away.

Storm
by Lifehouse

How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean’s shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I could see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be all right
And everything will be all right

I know you didn’t bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because I’m so used to living underneath the surface

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be all right
And everything will be all right